Bell rates... Löwenbräu Original

type: Helles Lager

origin: Germany

ABV: 5.2%

location: house

served: 330ml bottle to glass

Löwenbräu ('Lion's Brew') Original is the export version of the Helles sold in Bavaria. Obviously, being an export version, it's going to be brewed to a slightly more broad-market standard, in the typical commercial manner.

Or is it?

Well, kind of. It's a better quality beer than most of the commercial rivals, especially since it's priced in with a lot of mass-produced generic stuff like Stella and Coors Light. Löwenbräu, at time of writing, is on special offer at Asda for £6.40 for 6 330ml bottles, which is a great offer, considering what you get for the money.

A slightly malty taste is evident, which differentiates it from most commercial beers - the adherence to the Bavarian Reinheitsgebot (the 16th century laws that prohibited using any ingredients other than water, barley and hops) resulting in a purity and quality that corporate brews can't readily match. No rice here, just proper Bavarian malt and Noble hops.

Smell - hops are evident, and give a good amount of character. 3/4

Colour - pale golden colour, very clean looking. 3/4

Taste - Quite bitter, but refreshing and clean. Good mouthfeel, good hop balance. 3/4

Overall - A good quality beer, especially at this price point. Highly recommended for just when you want a straight-forward, uncomplicated lager. 9/12

Bell rates... Thirsty Mongoose

type: Pale Ale

origin: Homebrew

ABV: ??

location: house

served: plastic bottle to glass

I was generously given a bottle of beer to sample by a work colleague. It's his first stab at homebrew, and I think he was a bit worried at various stages - as is common with first-time homebrewers - but it's worked out quite well for him.

It arrived in the familiar 'Coopers Homebrew' 500ml PET bottles, with no label, but a verbal instruction that it was named 'Thirsty Mongoose'. What relevance this name has is a mystery to me, but it's intriguing. I'm aware of a similarly-named lager, but have never sampled it. I'm not even sure what a Mongoose actually is, to be honest, but I'm aware that they kill snakes, and as a severe ophidiophobe, I'm therefore fully in favour of them.

But anyroad, back to the beer.

No idea what the ABV is, but it smells strong. Apparently the kit be bought didn't include a hydrometer, and being impatient, he didn't wait to get one before starting his brew. The thoroughly unscientific test of taking a reading (at the brewer's request) of the bottled proves nothing, but a specific gravity of 1.009 suggests that fermentation did take place, and it was reasonably successful.

Carbonation was a perceived problem, but the head is fine, and there were still plenty of small bubbles rising from the bottom of the glass after nearly 20 minutes of drinking.

The water used was very soft - I know this because he only lives about five minutes away from my house, and used the same tap water I get in my own kitchen. It's typically soft Scottish water, and while it's excellent for a lager, a Pale Ale often benefits from something a bit harder to bring out more flavours - but perhaps that's something to look at in the future? For now though, the beer is perfectly drinkable. So let's get onto the drinking:


Smell - a suggestion of potency is evident, but thankfully isn't enough to overpower the maltiness. No real hop aroma, which lets it down a shade. 3/4


Colour - a deep amber. good clarity, good carbonation. 3/4


Taste - malty, but no real additional flavours save for a hint of caramel, just a straightforward bitter. Decent body, no real hoppiness. 3/4

Overall - an auspicious start to a hopefully long and fruitful homebrewing career 9/12

Bell rates... Stella Artois... again

type: Lager

origin: Belgium

ABV: 4.8%

location: Carrick Stone, Cumbernauld

served: pint glass 

please note: the following review is transcribed from notes I took in the pub, while very drunk.

McGoooooooo, despite being a skinny, ginger, lightweight, stingy cockbag is buying me a pint of Stella Artois. This has been owed to me for over a year, due to me generously allowing his abhorrent soccer team (Glasgow Celtics) to win some sort of Cup last season. The photo of this is probably below.

So anyway, I previously rated Stellafrom a bottle. McGoooooooo was outraged and has boycotted the blog since since then, due to its realistically low score.

Smell – see how there's the 'wet dog' hop aroma? Aye, well this is a but further towards 'dog pish'. 2/4

Colour – quite green. Wtf is happening there? Probably why McGoooooooo likes it. Right sort of paleness, but it's probably down to rice. 2/4

Taste – more aftertaste than bottles, but it's not like it's a better taste than the bottles, so 2/4

Overall – nice glass. Decidedly average beer. Better on draught,  I will concede, but still not great. 6/12

Bell rates... Jennings Cumberland Ale

type: Pale Ale

origin: England

ABV: 4.7%

location: house

served: 500ml bottle to glass

As I've covered before, water is a very important factor in brewing, and the local water can impart distinctive flavours and characters to a beer. With that in mind, let's see what England's 'Lake District' has to offer, shall we?

Jennings have been brewing for almost two hundred years, and are currently part of the Marstons group, although the beers are still brewed in Cockermouth, Cumbria.

Cumberland Ale is a pretty distinctive pale ale, with plenty of character. The aroma on opening the bottle is powerful, but not overpowering, and gives a good indication of the level of malt used in the brew. The golden honey colour, too, is inviting, and while opaque enough to ensure a 'real ale' character, it still looks clean and crisp.

Flavour-wise, it's got plenty of character, and while not overly bitter, it's hopped just enough to add a citrus overtone to the main malt flavour.

Smell: plenty of good malty character, with a bit of hops. 3/4

Colour: warm golden yellow. 3/4

Taste: a fairly complex array of flavours, with the malt at the forefront, but with hints of citrus and nuttiness. distinctive and different. 4/4

Overall: an easy-to-drink ale that may take you by surprise. 10/12

more info: jenningsbrewery.co.uk

Bell rates... Oktoberfest 2011

event: Munich Oktoberfest
place: Theresienwiese, Munich, Germany
date: Sep 17 – Oct 3

The biggest beer festival in the world, Oktoberfest has been held almost every year since 1810 - only missing 24 years out of 201. We attended on Saturday 17th September and Sunday 18th, and had an excellent time on both occasions.

Having attended last year as well, I knew what to expect; great atmosphere, great beer (at high prices) and extreme difficulty in finding a seat unless you have a reservation.

The 'finding a seat' part is quite important, as you're unlikely to be served unless you're at a table. Last year we tried about four tents and their accompanying biergartens before we managed to squeeze in with some Dutch guys. This year, on the saturday, we managed to get into a tent in a closed-off section, which required a €3 entry fee (must have put a few tourists off as it was much quieter and we got a table no problem). €3 is quite reasonable, considering a table reservation has to be made well in advance and costs around €30. Beer served there was Augustiner, in proper stoneware steins, for an added authentic traditional element. Sadly, no tasting notes, and no individual review, as I lost my phone, so had no method of recording any details of the beer, and my memory was impaired by drinking strong Bavarian Lager by the litre.

Second day, Sunday, was very wet, and this seemed to put people off even more than an entrance fee, meaning the biergartens were all pretty much empty. We managed to get a table in the Winzerer Fähndl biergarten, serving Paulaner. Again, no tasting notes, but it went down well. Moved inside later, and enjoyed the band, who's ecclectic playlist included hits by Lynyrd Skynyrd and The Proclaimers.

Overall, the beer is great, and the atmosphere is great too. I'd recommend Oktoberfest to anyone who likes beer and a good time. make sure to take plenty of cash though, as a Maß (1 litre glass of beer) costs the best part of €10.

I'd also like to send my warmest regards to anyone I met, and also my apologies to them, as I no doubt rambled on and talked a load of pish. If you were there, I was the beard with an idiot attached, wearing a yellow Scotland shirt with 'Bell' and the number 76 on the back.

Especial shout out to Christine and her husband from Virginia, USA. Please send me some of your homebrew and I'll review it.

And so, onto the scores - this being an event and not an individual beer, it doesn't get the SCT rating, but instead an AVB... not to be confused with Alcohol By Volume, of course.

Atmosphere: Fantastic. Met people from all over the world, all of them out to have a good time. 4/4
Value: a Maß seems fairly expensive... and it is. But when you look at the volume of beer you're actually getting for the money, it equates to roughly £4.75 a pint, which isn't too unreasonable for a high-quality beer brewed specially for the festival. 3/4
Booze: Oktoberfest beers are generally Märzen lagers, brewed specifically for the Festival, although Weizens, wines and shots are available if you know where to look, so all bases covered. Beers generally excellent. 4/4

Overall: I'll be back next year, hopefully, and I'd encourage anyone to visit. 11/12

Bell rates... Guinness Original

type: Stout
origin: Ireland
ABV: 4.2%
location: house
served: 330ml bottle to a glass


There is some debate whether Guinness is a stout or a porter, and my good friend and mentor Mr AG McGhee BSc (Hons) insists that it is in fact a porter. Now, he's the biggest beer snob I know, and quite knowledgeable about alcoholic drinks made from fermented sugars... however it says 'Stout' on the label, so I'll rate it as such.

It should also be noted that the label on the back of this bottle also says 'Brewed in Dublin', which is important as the water used to brew the beer is one of the most important factors. Guinness brewed outside of Dublin is like the Irish football squad at the 1994 World Cup. Or one of those fake Irish theme pubs. It's just not the real thing.

This is though. Good body, good aftertaste, good aroma, great looks.


Smell: roasted barley and hops coming through nicely. inviting. 3/4

Colour: black, with the creamy-white head. It's iconic, and it gets a full 4/4

Taste: a pleasant variety of warm, dry, chocolatey, roast flavours. good level of hops and bitterness, good aftertaste. 3/4

Overall: superior to the foreign stuff. 10/12

Bell Rates... Mountain Dew & Gin

type: mixed drink

ingredients:
25ml Gin (Gordon's, 37.5% ABV)
Mountain Dew (79mg Caffeine)
Ice

Mountain Dew, by itself, has a greeny-yellow colour, and just a slight lemon & lime smell. Taste-wise it's fairly standard, with little impact on the tastebuds, and little aftertaste. not overly sweet, but drinkable, and provides the caffeine boost that can fuel havoc quite effectively.

Mixed with Gin, and it actually improves. The edge is removed from the Gin, and the whole thing becomes a more sophisticated way to get the energy of a Jägerbomb or Vodka & Red Bull, but you can take your time.

A good friend of mine swears by Gin as a way to clear the head somewhat after at the three-quarters stage of a night out, and he's got a point; Gin provides some of the effects of sobriety, but none of the downsides. 1

Smell: light, fresh citrus, but not much of it. 2/4
Colour: greeny-yellow. clean looking, not too obvious 2/4
Taste: clean, fresh taste. very easy to drink. a little bit of sharpness, alcohol of the Gin only evident in the aftertaste. 3/4

overall: an energy-restoring Lemonade & Gin alternative, that won't make you go insane and climb on top of bus shelters2. 9/12

1. not actual sobriety, but you can probably walk a bit straighter, and while it won't actually stop you talking pish, you'll now realise you're talking pish, and may react appropriately to this revelation by yourself.

2. hopefully.

Bell Rates... Ben Nevis

type: IPA

origin: Scotland

ABV: 4%

location: house

served: 330ml bottle to a glass

Another offering from Traditional Scottish Ales, Ben Nevis is a 'Ruby Red', and shows TSA's usual characteristics of being a fairly unique, Scottish organic beer.

For an IPA, it's not overly hopped, and not overly bitter either. It is very malty though, and actually reminds me somewhat of a Porter, but with a bit more of an IPA's sharpness.


Smell: not very strong, but the malt comes though well. 2/4

Colour: a fantastic rich reddish-brown mahogany colour. 4/4

Taste: a chocolatey, malty taste, but quite fresh. A little bit on the this side though. 3/4

overall: taste-wise there's a bit of a cross-over going on, it seems, but it works well. Great colour. 9/12


see also: Bell rates... Glencoe


more info: www.traditionalscottishales.co.uk

Bell Rates... Ladzbräu 'Weizenlager' homebrew

type: lager
origin: my house, Scotland
ABV: ?
location: Biergarten
served: wine bottle to glass

Brewing your own beer at home can be a risky business - not so much the risk of something blowing up, but more the risk that you've spent a fair sum of money and waited several months just to end up with foul-tasting slop. Especially if you just make up a recipe instead of following an established one. It's a fun and challenging hobby, but there are so many unknowns when starting out, or trying something new, that the danger of making 12 litres of undrinkable beer can be quite daunting.

It was with a mixture of hope and optimism, therefore, that we opened the first bottle of 'Experimental Brew 1' last week.

My co-conspirator, Mr AG McGhee BSc (Hons), did the honours. No pun intended.

The recipe was initially aimed towards a Pilsner-type Lager, but did include wheat. I can't remember exactly why. The wheat did impart a lot of Weissbier characteristics - the most immediately evident of these being the cloudy look. Due to 'Experimental Brew 1' being a pretty rubbish moniker, it was renamed 'Weizenlager'.

The smell, I'm pleased to report was excellent. A good start. The colour is quite pleasing as well, with the lager malts imparting a warm yellow colouring to the hazy, weissbier look. The taste, again is a mix of a wheaty ale and a lager.

I may be biased... actually, I am biased, but I'm extremely pleased with the final product. The recipe could be refined, and it can definitely be improved, but it's a great start, I feel.

On the down side, head retention is quite poor, and it does go flat quite quickly, so a shade more carbonation would be welcome. Of course, drink it quickly and this problem doesn't enter the equation!

Which brings me neatly on to the alcohol content. At this stage it's a complete unknown, as we forgot to measure the gravity prior to fermentation, so we can't calculate it. I'd guess it's around 5 or 6% ABV, but that's purely a guess. There's no taste of alcohol, but you do feel it.

Smell: Sweet, with citrus notes, and a good level of hoppiness. 4/4

Colour: A hazy, warm, mustard yellow. like sunshine in a glass. 3/4

Taste: good body, with a very clean finish and an intricate aftertaste. Good level of hops. Sweet banana and citrus flavours balance the bitterness well. Wheaty. Only the lack of carbonation (and resulting lack of head retention) lets it down. 3/4

Overall: room for improvement, but I'm well chuffed. 10/12

Bell Rates... Stella Artois Cidre

type: Cider

origin: Belgium

ABV: 4.5%

location: Biergarten

served: 568ml bottle to a glass, over ice

"C'est Cidre, not Cider" the billboards claim, as the makers of Stella Artois try to convince us that their new product somehow transcends mere fermented apples, and is actually some sort of high-class, luxury drink that is the toast of Belgian high-society.

I'm not convinced.

It's a served-over-ice cider, and call me cynical all you like, but it's going to fit into the same bracket as Magners, Bulmers and Kopparberg. It's InBv's latest attempt at plugging a hole in their all-encompassing market strategy. It's a great BBQ cider, ideal for a lazy summer's evening, but it's not a Martini, or a fine bottle of Beaujolais... whatever that is.

It's cider. People in pubs will order it as such:

"Bottle of Stella cider please."

"Want a glass with ice with that?"

"Aye, please."

is how it's mainly going to play out.

That said, it does look good in a beer garden. The bottle is a fairly classy design, with a chunky, high-quality look, and a gold label that complements the colour of the cider well. Once poured (over ice) you get a refreshing, easy to drink pint, politely described as 'rounded'.

It's a cider that 'non-cider-drinkers' could probably drink quite easily. There's very little taste of alcohol, and very little aftertaste. There is a little bit of apple in there, but you need to be looking for it. It's not unpleasant by any means, but it's clear that InBev aimed directly for Magners with this one, and only missed the mark by a short way.

Smell: There's nothing bad to say about the aroma, but most of that has to come down to the fact that it hardly smells of anything. 2/4

Colour: A very Magners-like pale orange, but just a little bit paler, in my estimation - outdoing their Irish rivals in getting their watered-down Irn-Bru tone one step lighter than Magners itself. 2/4

Taste: Less sweet than Magners, with less aftertaste and less prominent flavours. Slightly acidic, but overall very drinkable due to its inoffensive nature. 2/4

Overall: Not bad, but not Magners. Slightly less of all the important bits (or at least the bits I use for ratings, anyway) and slightly more of the premium branding. 6/12


The 'Stella Artois' part of the name becomes clear when you consider all of this, as this really is the cider equivalent of Stella Artois Lager. It's got the same sort of characteristics as its namesake - generic, commercial, mass-produced - and will probably sell just as well. The marketing strategy might as well have been "Reassuringly Expensive" again... or just "More Expensive than Magner's" since everything else about Stella Cidre seems to have been developed using that as a yardstick.

It's disappointing that InBev just rolled out a generic cider, with no real uniqueness to it, stuck a familiar brand label on it and were satisfied with that. They could have created something new, launched a genuinely new product, with a genuinely new brand identity, but they weren't feeling adventurous enough.

The Premium over-ice cider market has a few 'big-guns', and Stella Cidre is a 9mm with '.44 Magnum' stamped on the side.


more info: http://www.stellaartois.com/cidre/