Bell Rates... Radeberger Pilsner

type: Lager
origin: Germany
ABV: 4.8%
location: biergarten
served: 500ml bottle to pint glass

Had this one during the summer, but only just found my notebook. Perhaps if I drank less I'd remember where I put things. Ach well.

I actually first had this beer back in 2008 on a trip to Dresden (Radeberger and Feldschlößchen being the two most common beers on tap in the city, in our experience) and took the chance to sample it again when I spotted it for sale online. Especially since I had access to the glass, as 'collected' by one of my friends.

Smell: hops came though nicely, with a bit more malt than is evident in a lot of German lagers. 3/4

Colour: good golden hue, and a good long-lasting head. 3/4

Taste: slightly lacking in body, but a pleasant bitterness and hop flavour, and a good aftertaste. 3/4

Overall: a pleasant lager, ideal for sipping outside on a sunny day. It might be good for drinking inside when it's raining, but neither of the two occasions where I sampled it fit that profile, so I can't be sure. 9/12

Bell rates... Harviestoun Schiehallion

type: Lager
origin: Scotland
ABV: 4.8%
location: house
served: 500ml bottle to glass


When you think of Scottish lager, the first thing that pops into your head is probably Tennents - I know it's the first thing that pops into mine.

Luckily, here's Harviestoun brewery with proof that Scotland can produce a lager that isn't bland and near-undrinkable!

Three hops varieties are listed on the label; Styrian Goldings, Challenger and Hallaertau Hersbrücker. The first two are traditionally considered Ale hops but the latter is the primary Bavarian lager hop. A few ale-type flavours are introduced, but the combination does work well.


Smell: hoppy aroma, reminiscent of a German lager, but with an underlying Ale element - 3/4

Colour: Amber. Decent clarity. Perhaps slightly under-carbonated, as formed a good head initially, but it didn't last too well. Decent lacing though. 3/4

Taste: Hops very evident in both bitterness and flavour. Little bit of malt sweetness. Very dry finish, good aftertaste. 3/4

Overall: Very drinkable. 8/12

Bell Rates... Quinny's Yer Maw

type: lager
origin: Homebrew
ABV: ~4.1%
location: house
served: 500ml bottle to glass


Another Homebrew given to me by a colleague to sample, this time by the inimitable Quinny. He's decided to call it 'Yer Maw', purely for laughs when somebody orders it; "A pint of Yer Maw please mate." and so on. I can see it being a lot more amusing for the patron than the bar staff to be honest.

Well, until they run out of it, and the bartender gets to say "Yer Maw's off, mate". Oh! or if they kept the prices low, then they could say "Yer Maw's on special offer: two quid". Either way, it's bound to cause fights when somebody asks "whit ye drinkin'?" when it's their round, and is answered appropriately.

But anyroad, you need to mention how the stuff tastes in a review, otherwise it's just speculation, and speculation is difficult to quantify out of twelve.


Smell: Yer Maw smells of Yeast, more than anything (couldn't resist that one!) which is odd given the lack of sediment. Slight fruity aroma, but heavily masked by the yeast. 2/4

Colour: pale yellow with good clarity, good levels of carbonation for the style. 3/4

Taste: very dry, but quite refreshing. A bit of carbon, little malt taste or sweetness, but not much hop taste either - but that's style-correct if you compare it to a standard commercial lager. More aftertaste than a commercial brew though. 3/4

Overall: A good first attempt, well handled to achieve the clarity and lack of sediment with a decent level of carbonation. A possible rival to Stella Artois*  8/12


As ever, when using a homebrew kit, it's difficult to get wildly different results from the next person, but apart from the yeasty aroma Yer Maw's turned out pretty well. The fermentation was probably a bit warm, and it may have benefited from a longer ageing period, but a fine first attempt and I look forward to sampling the second attempt.



* due to the probability of violence

Bell rates... Bel Pils

type: Lager
origin: Belgium
ABV: 5.0%
location: house
served: 250ml bottle to glass

I acquired a bottle of this purely because it had (most of) my name on it.

As good a reason as any, I feel, and one that turned out to be quite fortuitous, as the beer is actually pretty decent.

It's a product of Duvel Moortgat Brewery, and while many breweries are happy just to make a basic, pale beer with a bottom-fermenting yeast and call it a Pilsner, it's good to see Duvel making a bit more of an effort. The average euro-lager tends to be a disappointing affair, with little taste, little aroma and little head retention, engineered to be bland and therefore inoffensive. Proper application of hops is evident, and while it's not exactly a world-class Pilsner, at least it's identifiably a beer, and therefore scores better than more commercial brews.

Smell: light, fresh Saaz hop aroma, with a hint of malt coming through. 3/4

Colour: a pale yellow, with a great, frothy white head. 3/4

Taste: a little bit of toasted malt, with a balanced hop bitterness and a dry finish. 3/4

Overall: a very drinkable European Pilsner 9/12

Bell rates... Tennents Pilsner

type: lager 
origin: Scotland 
ABV: 3.4% 
location: Moriarty's, Cumbernauld 
served: draught pint 

'Pilsner'? Eh, no.

Smell: almost nothing 1/4

Colour: looks almost like a Pilsner, but not quite 2/4

Taste: not like Pilsner, anyway. 1/4

Overall: should be done by trading standards. There's nothing to connect this slop with Plzeň, or anywhere that produces proper lager. Avoid. 4/12

Bell rates... Löwenbräu Original

type: Helles Lager

origin: Germany

ABV: 5.2%

location: house

served: 330ml bottle to glass

Löwenbräu ('Lion's Brew') Original is the export version of the Helles sold in Bavaria. Obviously, being an export version, it's going to be brewed to a slightly more broad-market standard, in the typical commercial manner.

Or is it?

Well, kind of. It's a better quality beer than most of the commercial rivals, especially since it's priced in with a lot of mass-produced generic stuff like Stella and Coors Light. Löwenbräu, at time of writing, is on special offer at Asda for £6.40 for 6 330ml bottles, which is a great offer, considering what you get for the money.

A slightly malty taste is evident, which differentiates it from most commercial beers - the adherence to the Bavarian Reinheitsgebot (the 16th century laws that prohibited using any ingredients other than water, barley and hops) resulting in a purity and quality that corporate brews can't readily match. No rice here, just proper Bavarian malt and Noble hops.

Smell - hops are evident, and give a good amount of character. 3/4

Colour - pale golden colour, very clean looking. 3/4

Taste - Quite bitter, but refreshing and clean. Good mouthfeel, good hop balance. 3/4

Overall - A good quality beer, especially at this price point. Highly recommended for just when you want a straight-forward, uncomplicated lager. 9/12

Bell rates... Stella Artois... again

type: Lager

origin: Belgium

ABV: 4.8%

location: Carrick Stone, Cumbernauld

served: pint glass 

please note: the following review is transcribed from notes I took in the pub, while very drunk.

McGoooooooo, despite being a skinny, ginger, lightweight, stingy cockbag is buying me a pint of Stella Artois. This has been owed to me for over a year, due to me generously allowing his abhorrent soccer team (Glasgow Celtics) to win some sort of Cup last season. The photo of this is probably below.

So anyway, I previously rated Stellafrom a bottle. McGoooooooo was outraged and has boycotted the blog since since then, due to its realistically low score.

Smell – see how there's the 'wet dog' hop aroma? Aye, well this is a but further towards 'dog pish'. 2/4

Colour – quite green. Wtf is happening there? Probably why McGoooooooo likes it. Right sort of paleness, but it's probably down to rice. 2/4

Taste – more aftertaste than bottles, but it's not like it's a better taste than the bottles, so 2/4

Overall – nice glass. Decidedly average beer. Better on draught,  I will concede, but still not great. 6/12

Bell Rates... Ladzbräu 'Weizenlager' homebrew

type: lager
origin: my house, Scotland
ABV: ?
location: Biergarten
served: wine bottle to glass

Brewing your own beer at home can be a risky business - not so much the risk of something blowing up, but more the risk that you've spent a fair sum of money and waited several months just to end up with foul-tasting slop. Especially if you just make up a recipe instead of following an established one. It's a fun and challenging hobby, but there are so many unknowns when starting out, or trying something new, that the danger of making 12 litres of undrinkable beer can be quite daunting.

It was with a mixture of hope and optimism, therefore, that we opened the first bottle of 'Experimental Brew 1' last week.

My co-conspirator, Mr AG McGhee BSc (Hons), did the honours. No pun intended.

The recipe was initially aimed towards a Pilsner-type Lager, but did include wheat. I can't remember exactly why. The wheat did impart a lot of Weissbier characteristics - the most immediately evident of these being the cloudy look. Due to 'Experimental Brew 1' being a pretty rubbish moniker, it was renamed 'Weizenlager'.

The smell, I'm pleased to report was excellent. A good start. The colour is quite pleasing as well, with the lager malts imparting a warm yellow colouring to the hazy, weissbier look. The taste, again is a mix of a wheaty ale and a lager.

I may be biased... actually, I am biased, but I'm extremely pleased with the final product. The recipe could be refined, and it can definitely be improved, but it's a great start, I feel.

On the down side, head retention is quite poor, and it does go flat quite quickly, so a shade more carbonation would be welcome. Of course, drink it quickly and this problem doesn't enter the equation!

Which brings me neatly on to the alcohol content. At this stage it's a complete unknown, as we forgot to measure the gravity prior to fermentation, so we can't calculate it. I'd guess it's around 5 or 6% ABV, but that's purely a guess. There's no taste of alcohol, but you do feel it.

Smell: Sweet, with citrus notes, and a good level of hoppiness. 4/4

Colour: A hazy, warm, mustard yellow. like sunshine in a glass. 3/4

Taste: good body, with a very clean finish and an intricate aftertaste. Good level of hops. Sweet banana and citrus flavours balance the bitterness well. Wheaty. Only the lack of carbonation (and resulting lack of head retention) lets it down. 3/4

Overall: room for improvement, but I'm well chuffed. 10/12

Bell Rates... Pilsner Urquell

type: Pilsner

origin: Czech Republic

ABV: 4.4%

location: Biergarten

served: 500ml bottle to a glass

  
The beer from which all Pilsners get their name, Urquell was first brewed in 1842 in Plzeň, in what is now the Czech Republic. Of course, 'Urquell' is German for 'primary source', which makes it sound a bit like spring water. The Czech name is 'Prazdroj', but SABMiller probably think that'd be a bit too difficult for the punters in the UK to pronounce - especially after they've had a few - so it gets the German translation. 

Since I've mentioned the brewery's parent company, this seems like a good opportunity to reflect on the brand identity and quality - and Pilsner Urquell has an enviable position. Few brewers can claim to have invented an entire style of beer, especially one so broadly accepted as Pilsner, so it immediately has a feeling of heritage and tradition. How much tradition is left after Miller's acquisition and modernisation is anyone's guess, but the corporate machine has either kept its distance or done a good job of concealing its meddlesome practices behind the premium branding. Urquell does deserve a 'premium' tag though, as it feels like a good quality product, and not just some corporate facsimile of one.


Having been named in the 19th century, the title probably wasn't the output of some business-school board meeting, nor a focus group. The name is quite well chosen though, as apart from the obvious meaning of 'primary source' as the beer that all Pilsner-styles are formed after, the spring water-sounding tag allows me to work in a nice link to the water used in the brewing.


Plzeň has really 'soft' water. For those unfamiliar with the term, it basically means that the water is very pure, and has less minerals in it than hard water. Now, companies trying to sell you bottled water may promote the fact that their product has lots of minerals in it, but while lots of minerals may be good for you if you're jogging or working in an office environment, lots of minerals in the water may not be great for brewing beer. 1


So, the local water is pretty celebrated, and the region is also notable for Saaz hops, which don't impart a lot of bitterness to the brew.




Smell: a slightly citrus aroma, balanced but not overly strong. a soft and bright, but largely unobtrusive smell, almost certainly due to the water and hops. 2/4


Colour: Urquell has a fairly ideal pale lager colour... although you'd expect it to, being the original that all the others have copied. With a golden sort of hue, it looks inviting enough, and not too artificial. 3/4


Taste: it's sharp and very hoppy - perhaps over-hopped for some - but not too bitter. The citrus smell carries over into a fruity taste, and the beer has a decent amount of body. Quite a lot of aftertaste, too. 3/4




Overall: a refreshing, drinkable beer, which is different enough to stand out from the crowd, but not so different that you need to go to a really snobby pub just to find it. 8/12





 1. or maybe it is, depending on the style, and if you're a brewer based in Burton-on-Trent or not.

more info: www.pilsnerurquell.com

Bell Rates... Stella Artois

type: Lager

origin: Belgium 1

ABV: 5%

location: Biergarten

served: from a 284ml bottle to a glass

Stella Artois... apparently it's 'Reassuringly Expensive', and apparently it also promotes domestic abuse. 

This review can sadly neither confirm these rumours, nor deny them, as the Stella I sampled for the occasion was left in my house2 at some point by a guest, and I'm not married.

What I can confirm, however, is that Stella is your basic mass-produced, commercial lager. It states that it's a 'Premium Lager Beer', but in the market segment Stella resides in, you can pretty much call anything you like 'Premium' and sell it on the price, rather than the quality. But let's not get too far into slating it at this early stage, there's still plenty of review left for that!

Smell: It presents a decent smell, with a hint of citrus, which is not too overpowering. Not that notable, odour-wise, but definitely not a bad smell. Fairly basic, basically. 2/4

Colour: I found Stella to be quite disappointing in the colour department, as it was slightly lacking, and it looked a bit watered-down, in essence. It edged slightly towards looking quite sickly and pale - but not pale in an attractive way, the way that a lager is supposed to look. no half-marks in this system, so it gets rounded down to 1/4

Taste: Pretty decent, and quite drinkable, all told. A bit over-hopped, and very bitter, but not in an unpleasant way. Some 'mainstream' lagers at around the 5% mark compromise taste for alcohol, but that's not so evident here, leaving it unremarkable enough to have a few pints and not get tired of it. Very little after-taste, but that probably works in its favour to a certain extent. 2/4

Overall, an easy-to-drink beer, and probably one of the best of the mass-produced, commercial lagers, actually. Stella is a viable option where choice is limited, and it's inoffensiveness would make it a good 'session' beer, if you were just out to get blootered. 

But then, I suppose that's the whole point of Stella, isn't it? 5/12

Notes

1. 'brewed in the UK', but it says 'Leuven, Belgium' all over the packaging.

2. Rule one of Bell's House: if you leave it in my house, it belongs to me. 


more info: www.stellaartois.com