Bell rates... Harviestoun Schiehallion

type: Lager
origin: Scotland
ABV: 4.8%
location: house
served: 500ml bottle to glass


When you think of Scottish lager, the first thing that pops into your head is probably Tennents - I know it's the first thing that pops into mine.

Luckily, here's Harviestoun brewery with proof that Scotland can produce a lager that isn't bland and near-undrinkable!

Three hops varieties are listed on the label; Styrian Goldings, Challenger and Hallaertau Hersbrücker. The first two are traditionally considered Ale hops but the latter is the primary Bavarian lager hop. A few ale-type flavours are introduced, but the combination does work well.


Smell: hoppy aroma, reminiscent of a German lager, but with an underlying Ale element - 3/4

Colour: Amber. Decent clarity. Perhaps slightly under-carbonated, as formed a good head initially, but it didn't last too well. Decent lacing though. 3/4

Taste: Hops very evident in both bitterness and flavour. Little bit of malt sweetness. Very dry finish, good aftertaste. 3/4

Overall: Very drinkable. 8/12

Bell Rates... Tesco Finest American Double IPA

type: IPA
origin: Scotland
ABV: 9.2%
location: house
served: 330ml bottle to glass


This beer, it turns out, is actually Brewdog's 'Hardcore IPA' relabelled and sold slightly cheaper in Tesco.

The bottle was gifted to me by my manager at work (cheers Michael) to sample and review. He's a big fan of Brewdog, and craft beers in general. I'll admit that while I have a lot of respect for what the guys at Brewdog have accomplished, I'm not a huge fan of all of their beers. Some are excellent, but some i don't really care for.

I can't really decide if American Double IPA/Hardcore IPA is in the former or the latter category though. In many respects it's a fantastic beer, but it's not something that I found particularly easy to drink.

I've written before about the blandness of big commercial beers, but this goes a bit too far in the opposite direction in my opinion. There's barrel-loads of flavour, but it's a bit overpowering at times. The high alcohol content is very obvious, almost to the extent that it starts to taste like a spirit - or that somebody's spiked your drink with a shot of rum.

The colour is fantastic though.


Smell: bags of aroma, immediately evident as soon as you take the cap off. a bit of a floral note, but mainly orangey citrus, and a hint of wood. 4/4

Colour: a great looking beer, with a warm mahogany red hue and a nice frothy head which lasts well. 4/4

Taste: No shortage of flavour! Plenty of hops and plenty of maltiness, with a little bit of sweetness - I got the feeling Belgian-style candi sugar might be part of the recipe, but that's just a guess. The strong alcohol taste doesn't really do it for me though.  3/4

Overall: A technically impressive beer with just a minor flaw caused by trying too hard to make stronger beers than anyone else for the sake of it. They could easily have made it slightly less strong without losing the flavour, and for me that would have made it just about perfect. 11/12

Bell Rates... Thistly Cross Original Cider

type: cider
origin: Scotland
ABV: 7.2%
location: garden
served: 330ml bottle to glass


Another product that could have been designed with me in mind: a Scottish cider with a Thistle theme.  I wasn't planning on buying any booze when I was up at Tesco (it's not like I'm likely to run low any time soon, the bierkeller looks like I'm preparing for some kind of survivalist apocalypse party) but my Cider Senses started tingling, and I was drawn to the far end of the top shelf, where I discovered this little beauty.

The bottle states they use a slow fermentation (with champagne yeast) and a long maturation, and reckon the results were worth waiting for. Not to mention the fact that the bottle cap will look fantastic when I utilise it for a fridge magnet.

Smell: A sharp apple aroma, with a little bit of alcohol present. 3/4

Colour: Golden yellow. Nicely carbonated; the right amount of head for a sparling cider, and leaves a good lacing on the glass too. 4/4

Taste: Apples! A nicely sweet (but not cloying) flavour, with a hint of crispness. Good, lasting aftertaste as well. 4/4

Overall: I genuinely really like this, and I'll definitely be buying more. 11/12


more info: http://www.thistlycrosscider.co.uk

Bell Rates... Quinny's Yer Maw

type: lager
origin: Homebrew
ABV: ~4.1%
location: house
served: 500ml bottle to glass


Another Homebrew given to me by a colleague to sample, this time by the inimitable Quinny. He's decided to call it 'Yer Maw', purely for laughs when somebody orders it; "A pint of Yer Maw please mate." and so on. I can see it being a lot more amusing for the patron than the bar staff to be honest.

Well, until they run out of it, and the bartender gets to say "Yer Maw's off, mate". Oh! or if they kept the prices low, then they could say "Yer Maw's on special offer: two quid". Either way, it's bound to cause fights when somebody asks "whit ye drinkin'?" when it's their round, and is answered appropriately.

But anyroad, you need to mention how the stuff tastes in a review, otherwise it's just speculation, and speculation is difficult to quantify out of twelve.


Smell: Yer Maw smells of Yeast, more than anything (couldn't resist that one!) which is odd given the lack of sediment. Slight fruity aroma, but heavily masked by the yeast. 2/4

Colour: pale yellow with good clarity, good levels of carbonation for the style. 3/4

Taste: very dry, but quite refreshing. A bit of carbon, little malt taste or sweetness, but not much hop taste either - but that's style-correct if you compare it to a standard commercial lager. More aftertaste than a commercial brew though. 3/4

Overall: A good first attempt, well handled to achieve the clarity and lack of sediment with a decent level of carbonation. A possible rival to Stella Artois*  8/12


As ever, when using a homebrew kit, it's difficult to get wildly different results from the next person, but apart from the yeasty aroma Yer Maw's turned out pretty well. The fermentation was probably a bit warm, and it may have benefited from a longer ageing period, but a fine first attempt and I look forward to sampling the second attempt.



* due to the probability of violence

Bell rates... Tennents Pilsner

type: lager 
origin: Scotland 
ABV: 3.4% 
location: Moriarty's, Cumbernauld 
served: draught pint 

'Pilsner'? Eh, no.

Smell: almost nothing 1/4

Colour: looks almost like a Pilsner, but not quite 2/4

Taste: not like Pilsner, anyway. 1/4

Overall: should be done by trading standards. There's nothing to connect this slop with Plzeň, or anywhere that produces proper lager. Avoid. 4/12

Bell rates... Lia Fail

type: Ale

origin: Scotland

ABV: 4.7%

location: house

served: pint bottle to glass

A dark ale from Inveralmond Brewery, Lia Fail conforms to the independent Scottish brewery template with the branding, with a highly-Scottish theme happening throughout. The name is Gaelic for 'Stone of Destiny', and the label features celtic knotwork and a scenic landscape scene.

This one was bought for me by famous film-maker and cage dancer Jaggy Jay. Well, not this bottle specifically, but I'm still grateful.

The ingredients are helpfully given on the reverse, and a portion of the malt seems to be wheat, and although it doesn't have much of a distinctive wheat character, clearly adds to the richness. The Hops are listed as Challenger, Fuggles and - American craft-brewer's favourite - Cascade. Three hop varieties, but they all seem to have been added early on in the mash, as they've not really imparted any aroma, but plenty of bitterness and flavour.

Smell - Somewhat lacking, both in hoppiness and maltiness.  2/4

Colour - A nice dark reddy-brown. Good clarity. Good off-white head. 3/4

Taste - Well balanced and rich, with a range of flavours developing. Dark chocolate coming through after the initial bitterness. Medium body. Loads of aftertaste, which is where the hops are most evident. 4/4

Overall - A good beer, only let down by the underwhelming aroma - especially given the hoppiness of the aftertaste. 9/12

Bell rates... Thirsty Mongoose

type: Pale Ale

origin: Homebrew

ABV: ??

location: house

served: plastic bottle to glass

I was generously given a bottle of beer to sample by a work colleague. It's his first stab at homebrew, and I think he was a bit worried at various stages - as is common with first-time homebrewers - but it's worked out quite well for him.

It arrived in the familiar 'Coopers Homebrew' 500ml PET bottles, with no label, but a verbal instruction that it was named 'Thirsty Mongoose'. What relevance this name has is a mystery to me, but it's intriguing. I'm aware of a similarly-named lager, but have never sampled it. I'm not even sure what a Mongoose actually is, to be honest, but I'm aware that they kill snakes, and as a severe ophidiophobe, I'm therefore fully in favour of them.

But anyroad, back to the beer.

No idea what the ABV is, but it smells strong. Apparently the kit be bought didn't include a hydrometer, and being impatient, he didn't wait to get one before starting his brew. The thoroughly unscientific test of taking a reading (at the brewer's request) of the bottled proves nothing, but a specific gravity of 1.009 suggests that fermentation did take place, and it was reasonably successful.

Carbonation was a perceived problem, but the head is fine, and there were still plenty of small bubbles rising from the bottom of the glass after nearly 20 minutes of drinking.

The water used was very soft - I know this because he only lives about five minutes away from my house, and used the same tap water I get in my own kitchen. It's typically soft Scottish water, and while it's excellent for a lager, a Pale Ale often benefits from something a bit harder to bring out more flavours - but perhaps that's something to look at in the future? For now though, the beer is perfectly drinkable. So let's get onto the drinking:


Smell - a suggestion of potency is evident, but thankfully isn't enough to overpower the maltiness. No real hop aroma, which lets it down a shade. 3/4


Colour - a deep amber. good clarity, good carbonation. 3/4


Taste - malty, but no real additional flavours save for a hint of caramel, just a straightforward bitter. Decent body, no real hoppiness. 3/4

Overall - an auspicious start to a hopefully long and fruitful homebrewing career 9/12

Bell Rates... Ben Nevis

type: IPA

origin: Scotland

ABV: 4%

location: house

served: 330ml bottle to a glass

Another offering from Traditional Scottish Ales, Ben Nevis is a 'Ruby Red', and shows TSA's usual characteristics of being a fairly unique, Scottish organic beer.

For an IPA, it's not overly hopped, and not overly bitter either. It is very malty though, and actually reminds me somewhat of a Porter, but with a bit more of an IPA's sharpness.


Smell: not very strong, but the malt comes though well. 2/4

Colour: a fantastic rich reddish-brown mahogany colour. 4/4

Taste: a chocolatey, malty taste, but quite fresh. A little bit on the this side though. 3/4

overall: taste-wise there's a bit of a cross-over going on, it seems, but it works well. Great colour. 9/12


see also: Bell rates... Glencoe


more info: www.traditionalscottishales.co.uk

Bell Rates... Ladzbräu 'Weizenlager' homebrew

type: lager
origin: my house, Scotland
ABV: ?
location: Biergarten
served: wine bottle to glass

Brewing your own beer at home can be a risky business - not so much the risk of something blowing up, but more the risk that you've spent a fair sum of money and waited several months just to end up with foul-tasting slop. Especially if you just make up a recipe instead of following an established one. It's a fun and challenging hobby, but there are so many unknowns when starting out, or trying something new, that the danger of making 12 litres of undrinkable beer can be quite daunting.

It was with a mixture of hope and optimism, therefore, that we opened the first bottle of 'Experimental Brew 1' last week.

My co-conspirator, Mr AG McGhee BSc (Hons), did the honours. No pun intended.

The recipe was initially aimed towards a Pilsner-type Lager, but did include wheat. I can't remember exactly why. The wheat did impart a lot of Weissbier characteristics - the most immediately evident of these being the cloudy look. Due to 'Experimental Brew 1' being a pretty rubbish moniker, it was renamed 'Weizenlager'.

The smell, I'm pleased to report was excellent. A good start. The colour is quite pleasing as well, with the lager malts imparting a warm yellow colouring to the hazy, weissbier look. The taste, again is a mix of a wheaty ale and a lager.

I may be biased... actually, I am biased, but I'm extremely pleased with the final product. The recipe could be refined, and it can definitely be improved, but it's a great start, I feel.

On the down side, head retention is quite poor, and it does go flat quite quickly, so a shade more carbonation would be welcome. Of course, drink it quickly and this problem doesn't enter the equation!

Which brings me neatly on to the alcohol content. At this stage it's a complete unknown, as we forgot to measure the gravity prior to fermentation, so we can't calculate it. I'd guess it's around 5 or 6% ABV, but that's purely a guess. There's no taste of alcohol, but you do feel it.

Smell: Sweet, with citrus notes, and a good level of hoppiness. 4/4

Colour: A hazy, warm, mustard yellow. like sunshine in a glass. 3/4

Taste: good body, with a very clean finish and an intricate aftertaste. Good level of hops. Sweet banana and citrus flavours balance the bitterness well. Wheaty. Only the lack of carbonation (and resulting lack of head retention) lets it down. 3/4

Overall: room for improvement, but I'm well chuffed. 10/12

Bell Rates... Glencoe

type: Stout

origin: Scotland

ABV: 4.5%

location: house

served: 330ml bottle to a glass

Glencoe Organic Wild Oat Stout, to give the beer its full name, is produced by Traditional Scottish Ales near Alloa (it says Stirling on the bottle, but it's marginally closer to Alloa) and while the naming it after a part of the highlands is a slight example of geographic poetic license, at least the Alloa link gives them plenty of permit to the 'Traditional Scottish' part. Alloa was once one of the most prominent brewing towns in the British Isles, due to the high quality of the local barley and water - something that Glencoe Stout can draw upon to this day, but sadly, most of the breweries are now defunct or consumed by big-business corporations.

This isn't one of those corporate beer-by-numbers efforts though, and is clearly an independent operation, evidenced by the strong emphasis on 'organic' beer. While this label might attract people who read the Guardian, and concern themselves over whether the lentils in their soup were free-range or not, the important bit is this attention to organic ingredients results in a clean, light taste. Chocolate and roasted malt elements abound.


Smell: quite strong, but balanced, and just the good bits. 3/4

Colour: a dark caramel, inviting and warm 3/4

Taste: malty, quite sweet and with just a little bit of bitterness. Very smooth, very balanced and very clean - especially in the aftertaste. 3/4

overall: a good traditional Scottish-style stout; smooth, warm and flavoursome. 9/12



more info: www.traditionalscottishales.co.uk