Bell rates... Löwenbräu Original

type: Helles Lager

origin: Germany

ABV: 5.2%

location: house

served: 330ml bottle to glass

Löwenbräu ('Lion's Brew') Original is the export version of the Helles sold in Bavaria. Obviously, being an export version, it's going to be brewed to a slightly more broad-market standard, in the typical commercial manner.

Or is it?

Well, kind of. It's a better quality beer than most of the commercial rivals, especially since it's priced in with a lot of mass-produced generic stuff like Stella and Coors Light. Löwenbräu, at time of writing, is on special offer at Asda for £6.40 for 6 330ml bottles, which is a great offer, considering what you get for the money.

A slightly malty taste is evident, which differentiates it from most commercial beers - the adherence to the Bavarian Reinheitsgebot (the 16th century laws that prohibited using any ingredients other than water, barley and hops) resulting in a purity and quality that corporate brews can't readily match. No rice here, just proper Bavarian malt and Noble hops.

Smell - hops are evident, and give a good amount of character. 3/4

Colour - pale golden colour, very clean looking. 3/4

Taste - Quite bitter, but refreshing and clean. Good mouthfeel, good hop balance. 3/4

Overall - A good quality beer, especially at this price point. Highly recommended for just when you want a straight-forward, uncomplicated lager. 9/12

Bell rates... Thirsty Mongoose

type: Pale Ale

origin: Homebrew

ABV: ??

location: house

served: plastic bottle to glass

I was generously given a bottle of beer to sample by a work colleague. It's his first stab at homebrew, and I think he was a bit worried at various stages - as is common with first-time homebrewers - but it's worked out quite well for him.

It arrived in the familiar 'Coopers Homebrew' 500ml PET bottles, with no label, but a verbal instruction that it was named 'Thirsty Mongoose'. What relevance this name has is a mystery to me, but it's intriguing. I'm aware of a similarly-named lager, but have never sampled it. I'm not even sure what a Mongoose actually is, to be honest, but I'm aware that they kill snakes, and as a severe ophidiophobe, I'm therefore fully in favour of them.

But anyroad, back to the beer.

No idea what the ABV is, but it smells strong. Apparently the kit be bought didn't include a hydrometer, and being impatient, he didn't wait to get one before starting his brew. The thoroughly unscientific test of taking a reading (at the brewer's request) of the bottled proves nothing, but a specific gravity of 1.009 suggests that fermentation did take place, and it was reasonably successful.

Carbonation was a perceived problem, but the head is fine, and there were still plenty of small bubbles rising from the bottom of the glass after nearly 20 minutes of drinking.

The water used was very soft - I know this because he only lives about five minutes away from my house, and used the same tap water I get in my own kitchen. It's typically soft Scottish water, and while it's excellent for a lager, a Pale Ale often benefits from something a bit harder to bring out more flavours - but perhaps that's something to look at in the future? For now though, the beer is perfectly drinkable. So let's get onto the drinking:


Smell - a suggestion of potency is evident, but thankfully isn't enough to overpower the maltiness. No real hop aroma, which lets it down a shade. 3/4


Colour - a deep amber. good clarity, good carbonation. 3/4


Taste - malty, but no real additional flavours save for a hint of caramel, just a straightforward bitter. Decent body, no real hoppiness. 3/4

Overall - an auspicious start to a hopefully long and fruitful homebrewing career 9/12

Bell rates... Stella Artois... again

type: Lager

origin: Belgium

ABV: 4.8%

location: Carrick Stone, Cumbernauld

served: pint glass 

please note: the following review is transcribed from notes I took in the pub, while very drunk.

McGoooooooo, despite being a skinny, ginger, lightweight, stingy cockbag is buying me a pint of Stella Artois. This has been owed to me for over a year, due to me generously allowing his abhorrent soccer team (Glasgow Celtics) to win some sort of Cup last season. The photo of this is probably below.

So anyway, I previously rated Stellafrom a bottle. McGoooooooo was outraged and has boycotted the blog since since then, due to its realistically low score.

Smell – see how there's the 'wet dog' hop aroma? Aye, well this is a but further towards 'dog pish'. 2/4

Colour – quite green. Wtf is happening there? Probably why McGoooooooo likes it. Right sort of paleness, but it's probably down to rice. 2/4

Taste – more aftertaste than bottles, but it's not like it's a better taste than the bottles, so 2/4

Overall – nice glass. Decidedly average beer. Better on draught,  I will concede, but still not great. 6/12